Monday, May 12, 2008

MY TRUE LOVE


True love – That’s what we’re all yearning for. i’ve found her... She’s thinking about me all the time. But sadly i’m not.

Every moment of my waking life, i strive to make my today better than yesterday and to make my tomorrow better than today. An upward slant is all i desire. So that someday, i will get "there". There as in, to a position which i consider ideal...

Back in school, all i wanted was to score well and get into a good college. I thought that that would be the best thing in the world – to hell with peace in Iraq! i achieved it. She was thrilled; i smiled. Then i sulked ‘coz i wasn’t ‘cool’ enough. i was a boring nerd. And i wholeheartedly blamed her for my state then. This nipped her budding joy. But i hope she smilingly forgave me for that. For hopefully, hers was true love…

All through college, all i wanted was to be noticed, to be heard, to be popular. i thought nothing could be cooler than that. Ready to sacrifice my carefully constructed ‘good boy’ image, i wanted to rule my ‘little kingdom’. And i did. The hordes of certificates and awards bear ample testimony to that. Crowds surrounded me all the time, seeking my wise-ness. And the female fans’ list grew almost in a GP! But much to my royal ignorance i was already ruling a much vaster empire – HER HEART. In spite of jealousy killing her every moment, she kept showering her selfless love on me. She smilingly forgave. For hers was true love…

Once out of college, the cash-hunt began. As i started chasing the illusion of the ‘ideal life’, i forgot how i used to chase her around once upon a time, wooing her undiluted attention. That was long back. She must be having faded memories of it. Or at least i hope so, ‘coz unfortunately they have been crowded out and erased from my mind. i’m sure she will forgive. Hope she smiles too. For i’m sure, that hers is the ONLY true love!

Some unknown blessed soul has defined ‘love’ as “the continual act of unconditionally putting the needs of others before your own.”

And although i can feel it, it’s not good enough. Not even a minute fraction of what she feels for me! For i never say it, she does. i never empathize, she does…always. My love is conditional, always expecting her to be there to satisfy my needs, but never returning the gesture. Hardly ever even acknowledging it. Yet i can never imagine losing her...although she must have actually experienced it so many times! i’m rude, sarcastic; never smile with her, laugh at her and am never open to getting it back in return.

Right now, the love of my life, sits relieved that i got to work on time. Till late in the evening, she waits for me prolonging her dinner and praying for my safe return. And all this, to what end? Only to welcome a grumpy face? If this isn’t true love then what is?

Every moment of my waking life, i strive to make my today better than yesterday and to make my tomorrow better than today. An upward slant is all i desire. So that someday, i will get "there". There as in, to a position which i consider ideal… But somewhere along, long back i have forgotten that my ideal world waits for me at home. It comes to life when i rest my tired head in her lap. And as her fingers stroke and sift through my hair, i feel heaven on earth. Isn’t this feeling exactly what i yearn for, what i live for? Isn’t this the only driving force and the motivation for my being? Then what is it that i have been chasing all this while? Trying to dig a launch pad i guess! Only making the crater deeper… What a fallacy my life has been!

I want to say something to her. And my heart truly aches for those who can’t do the same.

“Ma, I love You”

HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i've seen Your struggles ending in vain,
And felt Your very trifle little joy;

Endless battles that caused so You much pain,
And You smilingly enacting the "Destiny's Ploy";

Simple it is, 'tis so easy,
To
stingily praise & endlessly criticize;

But it will take a lot out of me,
Just to match Your angelic strides!


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